I’m recovering from a love/hate relationship of the best and worst kind. You will all have one in your life time that, despite the warnings from your friends, draws you in. That highly intoxicating poor choice of a partner who offers all consuming excitement and drama. For me, the relationship was bad and good in equal measures. She was a time thief and made hours feel like seconds and minutes like years. She intrigued me and mentally challenged me and was irritatingly capable of switching my emotions from delight to outrage in a single breath. She was unquestionably, simultaneously sexy and repulsive and insisted on introducing me to people I never thought I’d meet and at times truly wished I hadn’t. Dangerously, she made every part of my life fade into grey insignificance, I didn’t see my friends, my family or my partner and it was only exhaustion and a new job offer that enabled me to drag myself away, her mark forever stamped for prosperity all over my credit card bill and my over draft. At first, once I’d left, I didn’t miss her. I reveled in the routine of life, structure, sleep and certainty….but then I heard she’d gone, disappeared….consigned to memory, leaving nothing but an on-line legacy and stories to be retold in pubs for decades to come. Very quickly things seemed dull, boring and predictable. Having consumed me for so long, dominating all my thoughts I was now bereft, consigned to the normality of teaching, mortgages and car break downs and I realised I was hooked, addicted even. This is why people can’t give up the liason, despite the danger of losing a social life and money….a passion for an engagement which can create relationships as quickly as it can destroy them, a roller coaster of endorphin releasing escapism. I’m trying not to go back….but my resolve is weakening….
Ms Edinburgh Fringe, you exciting little bitch……I miss you.